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Not A Fan of Veggies? Mix it up

Not a fan of vegetables? I love them but personally some become quite boring . Prior to disability I loved cooking and I tried to season everything…spice it up

Above is a vegainCauliflowre/Potato Blend ( if don’t  the carbs …substitute

broccolli)

 

Easy Peasy ..Boil the veggies with garlic cloves ..until done …then mash them as if you would potatoes …I am talking old school here . I use a utensil, likely antique , where you hand mash the combo.

I add vegan cheeses ,because I am allergic to milk , as well as any variety of spices ..such as dill, chives, rosemary …experiment

 

Then place back in the oven for another 30-45 minutes …It is heavenly tasting …Lay those  boring veggies to rest

 

PS love grilled or baked asparagus with olive oil and chipotle

 

 

dysfunctional · family · heart beat · Lifestyle · love · medical, psychological · respect yourself · sanity · self preservation · Uncategorized · Valentine's Day

Smile…while your heart is breaking

One of my favorite songs ..written I believe by Charlie Chaplin and wonderfully , and sincerely, performed by Michael Jackson.

As I age , I find this slightly ironic as it is difficult to smile while your heart is breaking . Mine has been crumbling for many a year . I gave birth to three children, all of whom hate me..mainly my fault ..in part their selfishness , greed , independent spirits (which I believe I did have a large hand in fostering) . As none are speaking to me I gave their father Valentine’s Day to send and he said “This one is blank” . I replied , yea write something” and he responded “I don’t do that ” As if I did not know. I guess that would be the snarky side of me , but hey, if you have been through half of what I have been (not considering  3rd world countries as I know one of my children would take issue with this) . I am a born and bred long time New Yorker .

I think of Valentine’s Day as VD Day (snarky sense of humor) and I have not really ever had a Valentine ..barely even funny ones …I was always the card writer, gift giver but life has made me bitter  and resentful ( hey , I finally qualify for in home care and have been considered legally disabled for years now) . Not quite the way I imagined life. I am hitting 60 and for almost 44 years a gym rat ( or the past few years tried to be recouping) but numerous spinal cord injuries (not my doing) , a broken leg …checking on a broken wrist this week have left me pretty much useless .

ADVICE: Raise one dependent child who might actually be there for you …promises…promises…my son’s will become quite wealthy upon my death…my daughter ..no ..she promised to care for me and abandoned me instead

I currently have two rocking chairs in my home. I have always had at least one . How many times have rocked children to sleep in them ? Countless. I don’t know , perhaps I did not read good stories, or sang off key  for the many many hours I spent performing this with my own children , prior to their birth and thereafter . I remember my MIL yelling at me about that …about not holding my children and I replied ” That’s not really how it works in my world” (Younger pretending to be more confident self) …I clearly recall my aunts singing and rocking me as I was a child and that love carried through  a lifetime . Apparently, not with mine. Perhaps , they are more genetically predisposed to the other side (gasp). I can’t imagine .There is nothing greater in this world than love .

 

Thinking that the last time I even had a cuddle was waking up with my then 7 year old granddaughter . I know that she was  aware that I had neck injuries , but not to the extent that I did ,,,now it is the spinal cord and tributaries …Arms and legs go numb 5 minutes in ..where  sometimes can’t feel a damn thing or stand up. I am grateful for the time that I had with my first granddaughter , and the love of my life…though she will soon forget me. Even though I had many adaptions to make , we did and we had tons of fun …my heart breaks for what we had everyday. I was always there for my children and I would , and still would lay down and die for theirs because that is how great my love is …besides their parents , I am quite doubtful that anyone could have loved them more . They were my life , my joy, my sanity …

 

Sometimes the hand that you are dealt just sucks . I barely have the strength to lift my arms anymore…typo’s galore (which I despise) and I don’t have the strength to go back and fix them. Perhaps things are better as they are because I am not of much use to anyone anymore . I guess my purpose was to be there for others ..but who was there for me?

 

I have done , and said many things that are so out of character for me and it comes from a place of deep pain and hurt..because  would never t purposely hurt anyone. I know trauma, pain and abandonment all too well . I forgive too easily ..maybe there are things I prefer to forget..Best line I have heard this year “When did the abused become the abuser” Telling ???????? My spouse broke my body…my daughter broke my heart

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SORRY Does Seem to be the hardest word

As Elton John stated once, in a song “Sorry seems to be the hardest word…it’s sad ..so sad…it’s a sad sad situation ..and it’s getting more and more absurd”

The words “I’m sorry “used to flow from my mouth like the proverbial verbal diarrhea . The past few years have been quite emotionally , and physically, difficult . I do face the prognosis of quadriplegia ( my Drs are amazed that I have held on this long).

Panic yesterday, as I was barely 8 minutes from my home and my left arm just decided to drop off the driving wheel . I have had extensive nerve damage for years …By all rights I should not even be functional . My Drs attribute this to my having exercised for 40+ years and strong mental fortitude ..more on that later .

I don’t really say these words too much anymore as it has dawned on me that PEOPLE NEVER APOLOGIZE TO ME ! Are they so accustomed to my generosity that they are beyond spoiled ?? Professional’s believe so ..

I have likely given away $75,000 worth of goods and items , if not more .

I am more than generous and I love people..and I would, and have , helped virtual stranger’s but until I actually receive apologies for transgressions to me ..I am done uttering those words ( unless I have really screwed up) . I own my accountability . It is time for others to do so .

 

Moral: Do not take good and loving people for granted because they may not be there the next time you need them