#disability · #motherhood · AA · acceptance · dysfunctional · Lifestyle · Uncategorized

When you Struggle with Alcohol and you don’t even like it

There are times you may struggle with Drinking alcoholic beverages even though you may not even like them . Apparently, this is a common concept amongst Battered Wives Syndrome Your children do not believe it ….why should they ? You rarely drank ..their father was a a drunk ..I remember those jokes which were not so much a joke to me .

so marry an alcoholic and you are well on your way

Lose what matters to you most due to resentment bitterness, injury

When I met my spouse and was informed that he wanted to date me …my response was ” I don’t date alcoholics ” which I have later amended to many a therapist …but apparently I will marry one …MY Drs know and have known for many years .

 

When you hit a certain age and all that matters to you is your children and grandchildren, downsizing  etc but your spouse is into nothing but bars , depravity , gambling . ..do my children even know or care what I have done to stay safe???? I don’t think so..nor quite frankly do I think they care..maybe 1 of 3 …I think one of three .

I have three blood grandchildren ..only one knows me and we had tons of fun together and I miss her every day …she will soon forget me because children do. My daughter has issues I can’t even begin to address . That is not carte blanche to hurt your children . Children should never be hurt. Ironically , it was the father of a step grandchild who has been the kindest to me …

 

#disability · #motherhood · acceptance · dysfunctional · family · medical, psychological · sanity · self preservation

Trying to accept disability

I know that many have struggled with this and overcome it Six years have gone by and despite the 13 years spent in PT I think too damage has been done…

 

What bites you is that you have fought , long and hard ..that there are no bruises .It is all spinal cord related…a grab ..slamming on the brakes .It does not leave marks, just damage .

I worked out for 44 years . According to Drs had it not been for my physical fitness , prior and mental tenacity I should have been in a wheelchair 8 years ago and I continue to fight but I often why . My family does not care so I am alone in this . I cannot do anion of what I did three years ago.

 

I went through Heaven and Hell for my children but where have they been for me / Jeez just typing this exhausting ..my arms don’t really  function ..

 

Trying to come to acceptance is difficult …will take any advice

#motherhood · dysfunctional · family · heart beat · love · respect yourself · Uncategorized

Have a good weekend ..good day

I assume these are terms like “How are you” and you say fine because do you really want to tell someone how much your life sucks ? That you have lost have lost everything of value? That you love your children but have been timeless told how much they hate you ?

When you were that nurturing mother who drop and run for yours but they don’t respond to Drs calls when they are listed as your next of kin ?

When it’s I will give you food  and or money if you piss all over me or give me a blow ..thanks I would rather starve . When your children are too intelligent but too blind to see . I guess you take after your mother …sorry

 

IDK I don’t find it normal or amusing to have some one discuss joint suicide or hoarding your dead body ..Let’s face it no one care enough to check in on me …This is my reality

#motherhood · AA · dysfunctional · medical, psychological · respect yourself · sanity · self preservation · Uncategorized

Broken , Damaged , Destroyed

whelp if you want anyone to destroy your life I can make a suggestion  . “Piss job’s ” pardon my French outdoors in open venues . I refuse ..Either my children are really lacking in intellect or they don’t care ..at all ..Where were you A all those years your father abused your mother in front of your eyes ??? Blind

To my daughter , who promised to care for me ..I will well used to broken promises …being terrorized, traumatized etc as I am certain you are well aware ..

 

To m youngest , who cares the most ..the meek will inherit the earth ..something I lived by in my young years because I was quite meek and kind .

 

Talking to people in detox and again wondering why my children never intervened while their father is still a horrible alcoholic . I cannot even imagine someone having a more nasty , derogatory personality …

 

I don’t know why I protect people who don’t deserve it  But I am done with that .

 

I never drank in my life but I became, I believe and alcoholic trying to deal with one …Don’t Make the same mistake I did..If your gut says something is off Run like Hell

#motherhood · dysfunctional · family · respect yourself · sanity · self preservation · Uncategorized

Love IS Never About Deagredation

IF someone truly loves you they will never ever out you into, degrading positions . If you see that coming , as I have stated numerous times RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. I wish I had . You have no idea what , whom or how much you can lose being with a sick individual ….#Tucci

 

Someone who loves you would not take, or flaunt pornography and then argue the point ” Have you found yourself on porn sites ?” No, I don’t actually know of any …

 

Golden Showers ..not my fetish ..find someone who shares yours

 

If someone wants you because you have class and then they attempt to bring you to the lowest level possible …RUN …

 

Love should be about partnership  and compatibility and shared respect . If those elements are non – existent ..get out asap , You will be happier that you did

#motherhood · dysfunctional · family · respect yourself · self preservation

Mother Love

A) I was the mother who read and rocked and sang to my children before they even entered this world

B) My mother in law told me I was never to pick up my child . I did reply  ” That’s not really how it works in my world

C) children require love and nurturing to flourish. I did my best ..working often two jobs ..65 hour weeks ..hey I do believe my kids always won school reading contest’s because I would come home after a ten hour day at the office and read to my sons.

D) As your children grow and age ..they distance themselves

E) They don’t recall all that you did ..drop and run no matter the pain or circumstances ..nor do they care

F) Raise one child child to be dependent who might actually care .

 

Admittedly , I was an over the top ( I love you ..I worry ) type of mom  in a very bad relationship , which I consider my bad , because I knew better . I could read the signs ..Red Flags Waving .

You have no idea how things can alter in years to follow ..Brain washing …WTH …sheltered naive trusting Catholic school girl , prime for the picking ..Also an Empath . So yes I cry every single day ..