#disability · acceptance · family · health · Lifestyle · love · Uncategorized

Covid -19? Where are we really? Besides Cabin Fever

Social Distancing? I am not sure . It can’t hurt but I don’t Think it is the answer .

I am one of those over 60, with cardiac, respiratory and three autoimmune diseases so I attempt to stay in a much s possible.

While I commend the steps being taken there have been pandemics in the past such as smallpox, measles, rubella, the lovely black ( bubonic plague0.

Due to disability #LadyGaga I have been stuck in my home for the past three years . Heaven help me if I leave my Bedroom at all the past several years

Just google pandemics . I tried to provide the links but they will not paste..

Coronavirus Watch

LOCAL UPDATES TO STAY HEALTHY AND SAFE

THURSDAY, APRIL 9

Unemployment claims in New Jersey continue to climb, breaking the state’s record three weeks in a row.

So whether you are out of work or face reduced hours because of coronavirus, you’re not alone. Here are some resources to help:

If you need to apply for unemployment, here are detailed directions on how to file. And there are options if you find yourself out of work due to the coronavirus.

For small businesses looking to apply for relief programs, here’s our guide.

If you’re experiencing delays with getting your unemployment check processed, NJ’s 40-year-old system is likely to blame.

NJ coronavirus deaths rise to 1,700, cases at 51,027

How many people are hospitalized with coronavirus in NJ?

In New Jersey, more than 7,017 patients are hospitalized with coronavirus, Persichilli said. Of those patients, 1,651 are in intensive care units and 94 percent were on ventilators.

<align=”left”>Reader — This story is being provided free to our readers during the coronavirus outbreak. Please support our efforts during this time of crisis by </align=”left”>subscribing to NorthJersey.com and The Record.

How many people have died of coronavirus complications in NJ?

There have been 1,232 deaths related to coronavirus in New Jersey. Officials reported 232 new deaths.

Of the 1,232 statewide deaths as of Tuesday, 60% were male and 40% were female. One percent were less than 30 years of age, while 45% were over the age of 80. Of those who died, 44 percent had underlying medical conditions, Persichilli said.

The state also reported information on the race of those who died for the first time Monday. Of the statewide deaths 60% were white, 24% black, 5% Asian and 11% other, Persichilli said. The state will continue to make public those details, Murphy said

My thoughts and prayers to any one who has a family member suffering from this or who has lost a family member . I reside in the second most dangerous States ..NJ… The world here is essentially closed

Bless those in NY ,LA and NJ who have the highest death toll. This is my third day in bed , barely able to move

Please feel free to share your stories. I was alone before this ..other ‘s may be as well I mental wellness Physical wellnesshave not been feeling great . I sleep almost 24/7 the past several days. As much as my children do not care about me they were the best thing that ever happened to me

#motherhood · acceptance · dysfunctional · family · love · Uncategorized

Haunted

March 4, 2020 squanderedgiftsLeave a comment

You can be haunted in , oh so many ways , Domestic Abuse , Mistakes that you made in trying to provide a future for your children when you out and working , way too many hours …27 years of Saturday’s is a small example. I should have been there . Trying to give my children the best I could in life ( the opportunities that I did not have ) I wanted them to have it all and reach for the stars ….How many times did they call me about job advice and I said why would anyone hire anyone but you ?

I always referred to myself as the drop and run mother…my kids needed and there I was , no matter the pain. I recently saw a new PT , who looking at my MRI’s simply stated “your spine is trashed ” Odd for a 40+ year athlete , So I don’t sleep at night because I am haunted by thoughts . My children have largely removed themselves from my life …..the fault lies on both sides …things said to me over which I have bitten my tongue , numerous times. I have one child and his spouse who are so well suited that it blows me away , because I do not believe that is the norm and I bless them both C&A for fending each other . YOU are beyond blessed that you found each other

I am haunted by many things , especially my poor choices in life as it is ending ….I have so many flashbacks of being in Norristown , PA …walking and memories surface ..making tea and much the same …lying and watching TV with my granddaughter (Valentine’s Day 2013) Drove to babysit as I was renting a room and a car just flew in front of me and hit a pole ….I had no response. She laughed at me and said you are not a babysitter , you are my Gammi . I have not seen her in over three years and I know well before that that gifts I gave my grandkids were trashed . Personally, I have every birthday card since I was 7 . People mean a lot to me <3. I am known for my honesty , kindness and for just being sweet .

Pursued 20 years as a model including a Playboy Centerfold I have wed the biggest losers of loser’s abusive…my Drs have reported this ..one should be in prison .

I have made many mistakes in my life . I so wish to get to PA for closure or to move there . Loved my Lils more than anything and she loved me . I never want her to feel hurt and abandoned . I will never forget my daughter Thanksgiving Day telling me that my granddaughter had another grandmother she saw once a year that she loved as much as she loved me , which was a stab to the heart because it was not true. My daughter once stated “We have a mean family” , which perplexed me because I am not known as being mean .

When my mom had her last coherent conversation with me …she said “you deserved better in life because you were the kind and special one ”

what does Kindness , love and specialty earn you ..nada..When my mom passed away two years ago my granddaughter clung to me and said my other grandparents are nothing like you . I live in a world where my heart breaks daily and where I am haunted by memories that were good …my Lills . always there when needed even when it was a backward compliment ..Foster child ..we don’t need you but…..

Millenial kids pretty much blow it …but for one and Karma has a major way of biting you in your ass. I still love my children , although 2/3 treat me like I am garbage

#disability · #motherhood · AA · acceptance · dysfunctional · Lifestyle · Uncategorized

When you Struggle with Alcohol and you don’t even like it

July 24, 2019July 26, 2019 squanderedgiftsLeave a comment

There are times you may struggle with Drinking alcoholic beverages even though you may not even like them . Apparently, this is a common concept amongst Battered Wives Syndrome Your children do not believe it ….why should they ? You rarely drank ..their father was a a drunk ..I remember those jokes which were not so much a joke to me .

so marry an alcoholic and you are well on your way

Lose what matters to you most due to resentment bitterness, injury

When I met my spouse and was informed that he wanted to date me …my response was ” I don’t date alcoholics ” which I have later amended to many a therapist …but apparently I will marry one …MY Drs know and have known for many years .

When you hit a certain age and all that matters to you is your children and grandchildren, downsizing etc but your spouse is into nothing but bars , depravity , gambling . ..do my children even know or care what I have done to stay safe???? I don’t think so..nor quite frankly do I think they care..maybe 1 of 3 …I think one of three .

I have three blood grandchildren ..only one knows me and we had tons of fun together and I miss her every day …she will soon forget me because children do. My daughter has issues I can’t even begin to address . That is not carte blanche to hurt your children . Children should never be hurt. Ironically , it was the father of a step grandchild who has been the kindest to me …

#disability · #motherhood · acceptance · dysfunctional · family · medical, psychological · sanity · self preservation

Trying to accept disability

July 21, 2019 squanderedgiftsLeave a comment

I know that many have struggled with this and overcome it Six years have gone by and despite the 13 years spent in PT I think too damage has been done…

What bites you is that you have fought , long and hard ..that there are no bruises .It is all spinal cord related…a grab ..slamming on the brakes .It does not leave marks, just damage .

I worked out for 44 years . According to Drs had it not been for my physical fitness , prior and mental tenacity I should have been in a wheelchair 8 years ago and I continue to fight but I often why . My family does not care so I am alone in this . I cannot do anion of what I did three years ago.

I went through Heaven and Hell for my children but where have they been for me / Jeez just typing this exhausting ..my arms don’t really function ..

Trying to come to acceptance is difficult …will take any advice