Happy Birthday Nicole

38 years ago …tonight at 10:30 pm I gave birth to my first child . I remember not feeling well the night before and the hospital was over an an hour away so off we went .

Ha, at least at that age I was young (not a cripple who could barely lift anything or walk around the corner) so I spent the day playing frisbee and laying in the sun . I don’t believe I was ever forgiven that. I was 22 years old ..

As I did not have a job and was on hiatus from pre-med studies…thank Heavens …it was my idea t be rather safe than sorry so off we headed to the hospital. After 13 hours they told me it may be false labor and I replied I am not leaving without a baby. I remember walking the halls for hours in a blue silk robe …Finally , after 20+ hours of hard labor I was induced .Being on welfare I did not have insurance my and went through three shifts of residents .

Your first bath was given to you by me . LOL , she was born in Iowa and had black curly hair but for the apgar test she never left my side

The one who delivered her was the best . They had to do the Apgar score . I sent her father to check ..he is a Dr after all and it was very rude of me to give birth during hid finals so I had to AMA out the next day, probably less than 12 hours after birth .

She had jaundice and I would sit outside with her in the carriage when we arrived home and she was fine. My then ex said to me z’ your are the strongest person I have ever known , but that child is your weak spot. In losing her I would lose myself . He was right in that comment.

She hates me now but I did my best . When your father tossed you in your crib … had enough Lnowing you, I am fairly certain you tossed the bambi blanket that I hand hooked for you, with much love I guess you learned from your father to turn towards the money and not love for your own children. Such is your choice. We all have them ..sometimes the best decisions are not made. I could not forget today ❤

BTW, best birth experience at University of Iowa and how appropriate that

tshe made her way into this world d

while the Rod Stewart song “hot Legs” was playing …Unforgettable

#disability · acceptance · family · health · Lifestyle · love · Uncategorized

Covid -19? Where are we really? Besides Cabin Fever

Social Distancing? I am not sure . It can’t hurt but I don’t Think it is the answer .

I am one of those over 60, with cardiac, respiratory and three autoimmune diseases so I attempt to stay in a much s possible.

While I commend the steps being taken there have been pandemics in the past such as smallpox, measles, rubella, the lovely black ( bubonic plague0.

Due to disability #LadyGaga I have been stuck in my home for the past three years . Heaven help me if I leave my Bedroom at all the past several years

Just google pandemics . I tried to provide the links but they will not paste..

Coronavirus Watch
Unemployment claims in New Jersey continue to climb, breaking the state’s record three weeks in a row.
So whether you are out of work or face reduced hours because of coronavirus, you’re not alone. Here are some resources to help:
If you need to apply for unemployment, here are detailed directions on how to file. And there are options if you find yourself out of work due to the coronavirus.
For small businesses looking to apply for relief programs, here’s our guide.
If you’re experiencing delays with getting your unemployment check processed, NJ’s 40-year-old system is likely to blame.
Governor Phil Murphy and Senator Corey Booker list
NJ coronavirus deaths rise to 1,700, cases at 51,027

How many people are hospitalized with coronavirus in NJ?

In New Jersey, more than 7,017 patients are hospitalized with coronavirus, Persichilli said. Of those patients, 1,651 are in intensive care units and 94 percent were on ventilators.

<align=”left”>Reader — This story is being provided free to our readers during the coronavirus outbreak. Please support our efforts during this time of crisis by </align=”left”>subscribing to NorthJersey.com and The Record.

How many people have died of coronavirus complications in NJ?

There have been 1,232 deaths related to coronavirus in New Jersey. Officials reported 232 new deaths.

Of the 1,232 statewide deaths as of Tuesday, 60% were male and 40% were female. One percent were less than 30 years of age, while 45% were over the age of 80. Of those who died, 44 percent had underlying medical conditions, Persichilli said.

The state also reported information on the race of those who died for the first time Monday. Of the statewide deaths 60% were white, 24% black, 5% Asian and 11% other, Persichilli said. The state will continue to make public those details, Murphy said

My thoughts and prayers to any one who has a family member suffering from this or who has lost a family member . I reside in the second most dangerous States ..NJ… The world here is essentially closed


Bless those in NY ,LA and NJ who have the highest death toll. This is my third day in bed , barely able to move

Please feel free to share your stories. I was alone before this ..other ‘s may be as well I mental wellness Physical wellnesshave not been feeling great . I sleep almost 24/7 the past several days. As much as my children do not care about me they were the best thing that ever happened to me


1OUT OF THREE..Ain’t bad …is it?

Igave birth to three children and one can can and cook very well . My daughter thinks she can but she can’t. I know good food . Testamanet as to hoe badly her MIL cooks  She once challenged me to a Christmas cook off and she lost …more reasons why she hates me. I worked two to three jobs a week . HER MIL , stay at home could not cook at all and could not find love for her children. HE desperately wanted her approval and went to great lengths to it . Hope it was worth it


Coronaires or just dirty New Jersey’ans??

While this virus is swiftly seeping the country a resident in my county ha conducted this virus or never washes his hands , like my husband or his mother .

I was a pre-med student and wa first in my class. I have always been held by wash your damn hands and understanding ryour nails . God help me but my MIL used to bake cookies for my children and place them on uncleaned styrofoam , which held raw raw meat ….GROSS ME OUT

People like these spread diseases ..a sneeze, a cough …prooduce has always been vulnerable to Ecoli …workers go the bathroom without hand washing. I DON;T EVEN WISH TO EAT ANYTHING MADE BY MY SPOUSE …..Maybe we should all be reading up on sterilization techniques . I aced that class ..No one has been ever been made ill by a meal I cooked


Take out or redundant meals? Poor Ones at that

It is never wise to cripple to cook, shopper, refinisher , doer . What happens when you are wed to an individual who watches cooking shows frequently but can’t actually cook. So it is that or take out .

Fortunately as a child , I spent a plentitude of time with Godmother Nettie , who was in my opinion , the cook of all cooks …sorry Emiral, Rachel etc. My cousin , who passed several years ago, hasd a restaurant In Clearwater Florida , name DTradewinds ,  RIP TOMMY


Since beinag A  dv victim with limited arm or leg use I haven’t really been able to cook that much. I used to spend three days doing a family Christmas …at least three veggies, 15 pounds of mashed and 5 pounds of  baked potatoes with cinanimon and apples ….freash cranberry sauce , Ham Turkey , cornbread stuffing with apples , pears celery and raisins..at least 7 homemade deserts including Mississippi mud pies and cranberry pie ( to name a few ) I had a very demanding job but I too those day s off for the holidays asa I entertained 30-40 people and everything was made from scratch .


I would like to note that my son @Hungry and Fit has by far cooked and served the best meals that I have had in years .


A few years weeks ago he was cooing vegan ravioli cand  said oka..meke the ravioli and then we will salute it with spices, sautéed arugula and added spices and raw red onion.e said this is like a restaurant meal …no crap …NEVER CrIPPLE the one who can do it all…Family Favorite recipe …Lentils and franks …finger down throat . I never had it ..thank God …This was the metamorphasis of Tucci Meals…EEEEKKKKS GROSS

#motherhood · acceptance · dysfunctional · family · love · Uncategorized


You can be haunted in  , oh so many ways , Domestic Abuse , Mistakes that you made in trying to provide a future for your children when you out and working , way too many hours …27 years of Saturday’s is a small example. I should have been there . Trying to give my children the best I could in life ( the opportunities that I did not have ) I wanted them to have it all and reach for the stars ….How many times did they call me about job advice and I said why would anyone hire anyone but you ?

I always referred to myself as the drop and run mother…my kids needed and there I was , no matter the pain. I recently saw a new PT , who looking at my MRI’s simply stated “your spine is trashed ”  Odd for a 40+ year athlete , So I don’t sleep at night because I am haunted by thoughts . My children have largely removed themselves from my life …..the fault lies on both sides …things said to me over which I have bitten my tongue , numerous times. I have one child and his spouse who are so well suited that it blows me away , because I do not believe that is the norm and I bless them both C&A  for fending each other . YOU are beyond blessed that you found each other

I am haunted by many things , especially my poor choices in life as it is ending ….I have so many flashbacks of being in Norristown , PA …walking and memories surface ..making tea and much the same …lying and watching TV with my granddaughter (Valentine’s Day 2013)  Drove to babysit as I was renting a room and a car just flew in front of me and hit a pole ….I had no response. She laughed at me and said you are not a babysitter , you are my Gammi . I have not seen her in over three years and I know well before that that gifts I gave my grandkids were trashed . Personally, I have every birthday card since I was 7 . People mean a lot to me <3. I am known for my honesty , kindness and for just being sweet .

Pursued 20 years as a model including a Playboy Centerfold I have wed the biggest losers of loser’s abusive…my Drs have reported this ..one should be in prison .

I have made many mistakes in my life . I so wish to get to PA for closure or to move there . Loved my Lils more than anything and she loved me . I never want her to feel hurt and abandoned . I will never forget my daughter Thanksgiving Day telling me that my granddaughter had another grandmother she saw once a year that she loved as much as she loved me , which was a stab to the heart because it was not true. My daughter once stated “We have a mean family” , which perplexed me because I am not known as being mean .

When my mom had her last coherent conversation with me …she said “you deserved better in life because you were the kind and special one ”

what does Kindness , love and specialty earn you ..nada..When my mom passed away two years ago my granddaughter clung to me and said my other grandparents are nothing like you . I live in a world where my heart breaks daily and where I am haunted by memories  that were good …my  Lills . always there when needed even when it was a backward compliment ..Foster child ..we don’t need you but…..


Millenial kids pretty much blow it …but for one and Karma has a major way of biting you   in your ass. I still love my children , although 2/3 treat me like I am garbage



Lifestyle · Uncategorized

Who Knew that YELP was only for business owners ????

Raise your hand , if you are an idiot like me and thought that YELP was actually a two sided street where individuals went to search out good Drs, restaurants , massage therapist’s etc so you can find the best service in your area

I myself , own a small ETSY shop Gammiannes , I have 215 review’s ..two are one star , one , I believe is four stars , and the rest are five stars . I have never attempted to remove a low review by any means, although I have responded to the concerns addressed . SO that YELP is not customer orientated was a surprise but a useful surprise  because this is now a useless site . A relative of mine has had numerous posts removed …guessing they were negative . I attempt to treat people we’ll. My shop has been closed due to injuries incurred by this esteemed Business owners


After 4 YELP hangups today from Yelp employees I was informed they had no CEO but they do and his name is #Eric Stoppleman  which is so so sad. Apparently ,  to say I would boycott #YELP because posting reviews may be be removed  just because I relied on it in seeking good businesses

Ran into a business last week and saved the convo . An individual removed a negative review for money . This would be called zero integrity . YELP did also advise me to obtain a lawyer with one of these vendors #TrueWellness who caused me serious personal and physical harm and damage . Four Yelp employees hung up on me when I called to ask why? This site does not provide any assistance to individuals looking for good places or providers . It is targeted to business owners  and those reviews  can be removed for financial gain Shout out to the FDA for not certifying this machine ..wish I had the name of it …Two kind to say ..wow this machine hurts like hell , I have neurological damage , you are not a DR . I did request paperwork but they won’t respond . This individual does hold a medical degree ..in fact he never heard of the Trigeminal nerve until I mentioned it . I was pre-med , worked in medical my entire career ..first in class despite missing 80% of my classes due to a problem pregnancy

Long story short don’t waste your time posting reviews on YELP unless they are positive and do check for credentials from anyone providing anything to you .


#disability · #motherhood · AA · acceptance · dysfunctional · Lifestyle · Uncategorized

When you Struggle with Alcohol and you don’t even like it

There are times you may struggle with Drinking alcoholic beverages even though you may not even like them . Apparently, this is a common concept amongst Battered Wives Syndrome Your children do not believe it ….why should they ? You rarely drank ..their father was a a drunk ..I remember those jokes which were not so much a joke to me .

so marry an alcoholic and you are well on your way

Lose what matters to you most due to resentment bitterness, injury

When I met my spouse and was informed that he wanted to date me …my response was ” I don’t date alcoholics ” which I have later amended to many a therapist …but apparently I will marry one …MY Drs know and have known for many years .


When you hit a certain age and all that matters to you is your children and grandchildren, downsizing  etc but your spouse is into nothing but bars , depravity , gambling . ..do my children even know or care what I have done to stay safe???? I don’t think so..nor quite frankly do I think they care..maybe 1 of 3 …I think one of three .

I have three blood grandchildren ..only one knows me and we had tons of fun together and I miss her every day …she will soon forget me because children do. My daughter has issues I can’t even begin to address . That is not carte blanche to hurt your children . Children should never be hurt. Ironically , it was the father of a step grandchild who has been the kindest to me …


#disability · #motherhood · acceptance · dysfunctional · family · medical, psychological · sanity · self preservation

Trying to accept disability

I know that many have struggled with this and overcome it Six years have gone by and despite the 13 years spent in PT I think too damage has been done…


What bites you is that you have fought , long and hard ..that there are no bruises .It is all spinal cord related…a grab ..slamming on the brakes .It does not leave marks, just damage .

I worked out for 44 years . According to Drs had it not been for my physical fitness , prior and mental tenacity I should have been in a wheelchair 8 years ago and I continue to fight but I often why . My family does not care so I am alone in this . I cannot do anion of what I did three years ago.


I went through Heaven and Hell for my children but where have they been for me / Jeez just typing this exhausting ..my arms don’t really  function ..


Trying to come to acceptance is difficult …will take any advice

#motherhood · dysfunctional · family · heart beat · love · respect yourself · Uncategorized

Have a good weekend ..good day

I assume these are terms like “How are you” and you say fine because do you really want to tell someone how much your life sucks ? That you have lost have lost everything of value? That you love your children but have been timeless told how much they hate you ?

When you were that nurturing mother who drop and run for yours but they don’t respond to Drs calls when they are listed as your next of kin ?

When it’s I will give you food  and or money if you piss all over me or give me a blow ..thanks I would rather starve . When your children are too intelligent but too blind to see . I guess you take after your mother …sorry


IDK I don’t find it normal or amusing to have some one discuss joint suicide or hoarding your dead body ..Let’s face it no one care enough to check in on me …This is my reality