My dear granddaughter ..as we age our memories grow shorter and many become snippets and snapshots in time . I hope that someday you will look back and remember some one who thought the sun rose and set on you .
From the time you were one and I stayed to watch you for two months , I knew how difficult it would be for me to not see you anymore but the day that you thought I was leaving and you were hysterical crying no mimi no , hyperventilating with your arms outstretched I knew that the bond was shared. How I miss that home on Eagleville where you always crawling after me in search of dates from my trail mix, how we sit outside and watch the cars go by and I would count them for you …where you , who did not like baths at the time, discovered that baths in the sink with a spray hose and measuring cups to create waterfalls could be fun….where you crawled into my lap every night when mommy wasn’t home to go to sleep ..we would make ladybugs out of paper and blow bubbles. We went for at least two long walks a day and we would stop along the way to inspect various shrubs and bushes, collect pinecones and sometimes throw them in the creek.
As you got older , we threw stone sin the creek when we would go to the park and , because Gammi was disabled, we made up fun games because I could not push you on the swings or throw balls with you so we did a lot of ball rolling and tossing . You would swing and I would toss the ball at your feet and you would have to kick it ..and I would have to go get it .
Throwing balls up the tunnel slides ..sometimes a leaf and sometimes Gammi , or you might come down the slide with the ball …Silly string fights ..always bubbles..makeovers . That taught me not to ever buy a child ice blue lip gloss because I might be the one who ended up wearing it . I loved the pedicure that you gave me when we played beauty salon . When you were little you loved to stay with Gammi …lipgloss, baths, creams and perfumes . I would sing to you until you fell a sleep at night …
So many memories ..so many sleepovers and night time conversations. I could not wait until you were old enough to go shopping with me ..we did ..a few times..to the dollar store and you loved it when I told you could buy all the things that you wanted there ( so long as they were safe and appropriate)
How you would come house hunt with me once, when you and I were both naive to believe I might actually get there and you would say this one Gammi and chose the room that I would decorate for you when you came to visit .
How I would stay with you, and when it was time for me to go home you would take and hide my things ..because you thought if I did not have them I could not leave . How that Tinkerbell nightgown meant so much to you , and your mom said you would not get rid of it . She did not understand it was because you associated that with me . How you told me, a few years ago, that I never had to leave and that I could live there forever with you but I told you sweetheart that that was not my decision to make .
I would always bring you special treats ..you loved dried fruit , soft candies ..sometime you would take licks of the hard candy that I was sucking ..it was not safe for you to have alone..we did so much together , in such a short time and then you were gone and I was too injured to see you anymore . I think about you every day my best girl ever . In an increasingly bleak world you were the ray of hope and sunshine in my world.
You turned 8 this year and it was the first time that I was not with you on your birthday .
I never thought I would lose you like that , my fairy princess …Only one child ever called me Gammi and I loved her more than anything in the word xxxooo…
I wish that my granddaughter Lils believed that I was dead , rather than thinking that I would ever abandon her …my mom passed in January . I did not expect to see my grandchildren..they are far away …too far for me to travel ..when that child curled herself into a ball and attached herself to me(???))) It has been several months and I can’t stop crying ..I find it intrinsically sad that there are those who disregard love as the ultimate …IT IS
Squandered Gifts 