Gammi , who was born July 30, 2009 died an untimely and unexpected death on December 26, 2016 . There is no person/area of my life that I cherished more than this . My granddaughter was my heart and soul and my ray of sunshine, in an otherwise increasingly bleak world , to phrase that kindly. Ironically ,also my favorite Holiday . I am uncertain how I feel about this day going forwards this was my worst Christmas ever . Ironically, Part Deux was the best Christmas that I recall being spent on my air mattress in an unfurnished dining room at the same location in PA ..Warm and fuzzy feelings abound thinking about that year .
Ironic, that most deaths in my family have occurred either on a family member’s birthday or very near a Holiday . This is why I am suspect around Valentine’s as my great grandmother ( and the person for whom I was named died on that date). I am quite superstitious …she passed away some where between the ages of 52 and 58 so as I figure it I have one more Valentine’s day to get through before my curse is broken …People by my name barely surpass the age of 60 , in my family .
Perhaps one should not base their degree of happiness on the love and joy and that she brought to my world( and I do believe that I brought to her as well ) . I would lay down and die for that little girl . I could not love anyone more ..and I do believe that feeling was reciprocated based on our conversations. I did have two subsequent (former ) grandchildren and I did my best not to get close to them, not to love them as much because I knew that my heart would be broken ..and that was due to someone else issues and not mine . I have been through much in my life but nothing has devastated me more than the loss of this child, whose first diaper I changed . I am apparently easily disposable.
My former daughter said that she always knew when the Christmas decor was going up as she would return home from school and Christmas music would be blasting as made Christmas magic start to appear . This was generally on a Monday ..my day off 
Squandered Gifts 