You are my Sunshine

You are my Sunshine

My Only Sunshine

You make me Happy

When Skies are Grey

You’ll Never Know dear ..how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away…..

This little ditty was sung to me  by my grandparents. While it created warm and fuzzy feelings , and I clearly committed the song to memory, it has been running through my mind lately like a bad episode of Criminal Minds ( actually it was the basis of an episode of that show) .

I have spent a good portion of the past decade, plus , shall I say ,sequestered in my bedroom , in essentially survival mode (potty , snacks , water ,baby wipes) after a certain time of day . Let’s just toss out 1pm daily . I would never schedule appointments . I would be showered . I would be prepared for whatever or who ever was headed in my direction . Is it Dr Jeckyl or Mr Hyde?

I am over 50 (okay well over)  and have suffered/been aware of  a debilitating cervical spinal cord injury since 2006, exacerbated in 2008,exacerbated in 2013 ( try to hold an angry drunk at bay …better yet don’t !!!!!! just call the Police) ,exacerbated in 2015 ( there is definitely a theme here ) .

In 2009 I had a grand daughter. She was my sunshine , my heart , my life . I was her confidant and occasional babysitter , and playmate . She was the one constant of joy that shone through an otherwise increasingly bleak world .

I changed her first diaper  while I believe her alternate grandparents were walking their shitzu in it’s personal stroller ( my daughter mocked them much as they clearly loved their dog far greater than their three children ..There is also a pattern here among them for parental issues, shall we say

And then my  former daughter (yup the one who swore that daughter’s care for their ill and aging parents )  decided  screw mom, who has dropped and run , all these years because she loved us because , she ( my daughter)who claims to have all types of knowledge …including self admission of bipolar disorder ..and my former SIL has clear Mother issues ( and his mother was a stay at home mom , epic failure clearly).

So much for my guilt at working to provide my children with the opportunities that I did not have . Happy to publish that I did , somehow manage, to raise three successful children.

As usual,  I digress…

It breaks my heart( okay it actually tears out my heart), that I have lost my granddaughter . I pray that she is okay . I have witnessed her parents in acts of abuse  and head games ( hate that and that will be another post ) . Seriously, Who locks a 3 year old outdoors, in the cold , until the point of hyperventilation, because they won’t change their clothes for a family photo shoot????? I was a traumatized child . I do not like to see children traumatized ..PERIOD

If anyone is out there please weigh in . My daughter has my grandmother’s engagement bracelet (1930 platinum) . This is an item that I had and gave forward , but it is an item which means a great deal to me. As my daughter has renounced me and clearly has zero concern for her mother, I do feel , and have requested numerous times, that this item be returned ( her in laws are greedy SOB’s and clearly value their dog more than people ..children..not okay with me ) I do not wish that my family heirlooms be in possession of these people EVER …

From me , you took my sunshine ..you stole the light of my life

From your child..you stole a friend, a confidante , someone who would lay down their life for that child because the love was so great …#squanderedgifts